


That's one way to solve that problem

by weshouldcallthisonethomas



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon Temporary Character Death, Crack, F/F, M/M, One Shot, There Is Only One Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weshouldcallthisonethomas/pseuds/weshouldcallthisonethomas
Summary: When two childish immortals have to decide who is sleeping on the floor
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 143





	That's one way to solve that problem

By the third time Yusuf understands.

It takes Nicolo a little while longer.

After months of this angry back and forth game they have been playing, they have both died too many times to remember. Both have been killed by a sword, by foot, by hand, by rock, by axe, in every way they could even think of. They have been strangled and crushed and even died of thirst out here in the desert.

So, when Andromache the Scythian shows up and makes them promise not to kill each other again, Nicolo and Yusuf only give a resigned agreement. If only because Andromache seems like she knows how to kill you in the most excruciating of ways, that have been forgotten for two thousand long years.

Her companion, Quynh, is much more amicable in comparison. She tries to explain who they are, what they are, how this works. The question “why?” will remain unanswered.

After a few days of not trying to kill each other, Yusuf starts to understand why Andromache and Quynh wanted them to stop. They are the only ones who understand what life means to them now, about how much their worldview has changed. Particularly Nicolo, who understands what it means to have your God abandon you, how that abrupt loss of faith has set Yusuf adrift. The short conversations they are able to have are still tense, and he is grateful that they need one of the women to translate most of the time. 

They have been on the road north, heading towards Constantinople, for some weeks now and Andromache insists on staying at an inn, in a small village on the road instead of the cloth tents they have been carrying with them. She says she feels grimy and horrid, and Yusuf agrees they all need a good wash.

Yusuf is left to ask the innkeeper for rooms, of which there are only two. The four of them head upstairs on to a small landing with doors on either side. Yusuf is just about to ask who will share with who, as he does not want to be presumptuous and people may talk in a small town of women travelling without husbands, when the door to the first room abruptly closes behind Andromache, with Quynh on the other side.

“I suppose it is you and me, Yusuf,” Nicolo attempts to say in Arabic. At least that is what Yusuf thinks he was attempting to say.

“Okay, but I will be the one sleeping on the bed, you understand,” Yusuf replies, in only marginally better Italian.

What ensues is a slightly childish race through the small wooden door and to the singular bed in the room. Nicolo arrives first and exclaims “What are you going to do about it?”

And so, Yusuf draws his sword, and stabs Nicolo through the heart. The shocked look on Nicolo’s face does not last long before he dies. 

Quynh bursts through the door at the sound of commotion, looking incredibly dishevelled herself. “What the hell did you do that for?” she shouts at Yusuf. 

“He stole the bed.” Yusuf shrugs.

Andromache appears from behind Quynh and shrugs, “A good enough reason as any.” And nods at Yusuf, before turning and practically dragging Quynh back to bed.

Yusuf removes the sword and wipes it clean, before moving to rest Nicolo’s body against the wall, sat on the floor and climbing into bed.

“You stabbed me!” As Nicolo awakes coughing and spitting blood on the floor, but Yusuf is already nice and cosy, cooried underneath the sheets. “Oh, you are not getting away with that.” And with that Nicolo climbs into the bed, steals half the covers and kicks Yusuf out. 

Thankfully for Nicolo, Yusuf’s sword is on the other side of the room, so it is just his fists that Nicolo will have to contend with. “Could you at least take that blood-stained shirt off, so you do not ruin the bed?” Yusuf pleads as he tries to roll Nicolo off the bed, but just ends up underneath him.

“Oh, and whose fault is that?” Nicolo responds but complies anyway. Both men are breathing very heavily now. It still amazes Yusuf that even though there was a sword through him mere minutes ago, not even a scar remains now. He reaches up and touches where it should have been, runs his hands lightly down Nicolo’s sides. Feels the warm skin, tight over strong muscles. 

“You are beautiful,” Yusuf whispers. And something in Nicolo’s eyes switches, from a playful teasing to a shameless intensity, as he quickly pulls Yusuf’s head up and crashes his lips to his own. 

Yusuf pushes into it, all aggressive tongues and sharp teeth biting soft lips. They end up moving like this for a long time, each moment more intense than the last, each movement still filled with belligerence from enemies so soon before.

When they have both exhausted themselves, Yusuf simply says, “I guess we will share the bed.” He could get used to hearing Nicolo’s laughter beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is objectively bad writing, it took like half an hour, but I couldn't rest until I did this. I just saw the tumblr post about an only one bed fic with major character death tagged, and i had to write it for the immortals like seriously come onnnnnn
> 
> i am sorry


End file.
